This feels like we just lost a conference game.
How do you give up a 2 -0 half time lead?
Don't tell my parents but I have drank an entire bottler of wine in the past thirty minutes.
What this reminds me of is Javier Arenas running back a punt against LSU. That is one of the best moments in my Alabama football history that I experianced.
But I can never watch the highlight without feeling depressed.
Landon Donovan controlled a ball to his left, moving the Brazilian defender into a state of worthlessness, and left footed it into the net sending me into a Natty Light enduced euphoria.
I will never be able to watch this highlight without the urge to vomit, just like Javy in 2007.
Right now?
I want to run down the burn victim ward at DCH (Tuscaloosa hospital) screaming "There is no God!".
I will never be able to experiance the happinness I felt with the Donovan shot or the Arenas returen again, because any memory of happiness will be filled with the urge to commit seppuku/
I will now list how it feels to lose a Confed cup final/ SEC conference game
Slam dick in car door
Fall down mountain of salt covered broken beer bottles
Forced to eat herpes outbreak vagina
Shove head into wood chipper
Jump feet first into wood chipper
Stick penis into electical wall outlet
Forced to watch SEC championship 2008 with commercials replaced with Tim Tebow post game Ole Miss speech
Stuck in pitch black room with nothing but "Rocky Top" playing for days
Forced to sit throught entire Twilight movie
Masterbation with hand covered in sand paper
Forced to watch 2005 Iron Bowl Brodie Croyle sack highlights.
Anally abused by AIDS positive hobo
Forced to watch every episode of "College Football Live Notre Dame Week"
Force fed Arby's chicken biscuits while Chick Fil-A biscuits are presented in front of me.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Soccer, bitches
I'm about to go to the Red Shed and order enough drinks to give me alcohol poisoning.
Anyway, it has been brought to my attention by Big Brother that some English and German fucks "be talking shit" about my United States National Mens Team, here for after referenced as USNMT. Or "our guys" or "the team that isn't communist bull shit."
Whatever makes me feel warm and fuzzy in my pants.
I've been following this team ever since Big Brother and his friends encouraged me to stay up all night and watch the Our Guys vs Portugal game in 2002 World Cup. I stayed up and got hooked. If you haven't seen that game, what basically happened is a bunch of no name The Team That Isn't Communist Bull Shit whipped out their red/ white/ blue cocks and slapped Portugal into submission.
It was glorious.
Fast forward embarrassing 2006 World Cup fast forward embarrassing two loses in opening round and hit play. So we need to beat Egypt by three goals to nothing and have Brazil beat Italy three goals to nothing which everybody believes to be impossible but ends up happening. English and other European media members talk shit, discuss team in patronizing manner, flap their euros mouths flap. There is no way these Americans can beat the number one team in the nation Spain who is currently riding an all time record thirty five unbeaten streak and fifteen straight wins, also a record.
Guess what?
BOOSH!
Cocks were unfurled, faces were slapped, US -2 Spain- 0.
And the world continues to talk shit.
I want the world to know that what we are doing is officially pissing on everything the love and hold dear. Honestly I don't have a problem with most Euro's but when you talk shit I'm going to piss on you. I'm in the minority here. Guess what Spain?
A country that frankly doesn't give a shit just bitch slapped you in an important tournament. Soccer, and yes it's soccer not football, is not even in the top four sports that Americans support. Horse Racing competes with Soccer for viewership and we just blank sheeted your ass in South Africa.
You and your fellow countries in UEFA wanna talk shit?
Go ahead.
I'm in the finals of the Confederation Cup and your going home to whack of to nasty European pornography that involves feces. Have fun listening to your reporters and writers talk trash about our talent and try to tell yourself that Jozy Altidore isn't going to be successful in your league.
I need to stockpile beer for tomorrow for the game against Brazil, a country currently not talking shit right now because, well, they're Brazil and they don't have to, because I live in a county that still clings to some form of annoying dryness.
I love you Alabama, but every time you force me to not get hammered and scream profanities I feel a bit like you're cheating on me.
Anyway, it has been brought to my attention by Big Brother that some English and German fucks "be talking shit" about my United States National Mens Team, here for after referenced as USNMT. Or "our guys" or "the team that isn't communist bull shit."
Whatever makes me feel warm and fuzzy in my pants.
I've been following this team ever since Big Brother and his friends encouraged me to stay up all night and watch the Our Guys vs Portugal game in 2002 World Cup. I stayed up and got hooked. If you haven't seen that game, what basically happened is a bunch of no name The Team That Isn't Communist Bull Shit whipped out their red/ white/ blue cocks and slapped Portugal into submission.
It was glorious.
Fast forward embarrassing 2006 World Cup fast forward embarrassing two loses in opening round and hit play. So we need to beat Egypt by three goals to nothing and have Brazil beat Italy three goals to nothing which everybody believes to be impossible but ends up happening. English and other European media members talk shit, discuss team in patronizing manner, flap their euros mouths flap. There is no way these Americans can beat the number one team in the nation Spain who is currently riding an all time record thirty five unbeaten streak and fifteen straight wins, also a record.
Guess what?
BOOSH!
Cocks were unfurled, faces were slapped, US -2 Spain- 0.
And the world continues to talk shit.
I want the world to know that what we are doing is officially pissing on everything the love and hold dear. Honestly I don't have a problem with most Euro's but when you talk shit I'm going to piss on you. I'm in the minority here. Guess what Spain?
A country that frankly doesn't give a shit just bitch slapped you in an important tournament. Soccer, and yes it's soccer not football, is not even in the top four sports that Americans support. Horse Racing competes with Soccer for viewership and we just blank sheeted your ass in South Africa.
You and your fellow countries in UEFA wanna talk shit?
Go ahead.
I'm in the finals of the Confederation Cup and your going home to whack of to nasty European pornography that involves feces. Have fun listening to your reporters and writers talk trash about our talent and try to tell yourself that Jozy Altidore isn't going to be successful in your league.
I need to stockpile beer for tomorrow for the game against Brazil, a country currently not talking shit right now because, well, they're Brazil and they don't have to, because I live in a county that still clings to some form of annoying dryness.
I love you Alabama, but every time you force me to not get hammered and scream profanities I feel a bit like you're cheating on me.
Fuck Peyton Manning
These people, I just really really want to see these people fall down some stairs.
I've had this conversation a million god damn times and I am just sick of it. We will be talking about the NFL, me and whatever twat waffle is discussing this with me, and we'll go over what offenses are the best and what players we like. First off I'm a college guy so every athlete I name is probably going to be Alabama alumni. I'm not just a homer I'm a Bammer.
But eventually we get to quarterbacks and the two quarterbacks that we talk about are, of course, Brady and Manning. When I say fuck Brady no one bats an eye. Hating a winning quarterback like that always just seems natural. This of course has nothing to do with what he is doing with the New England Patriots and has everything to do with Michigan beating Alabama in the Orange bowl.
Then I say fuck Peyton Manning, because he played at Tennessee and fuck em.
This is where everyone gets bent out of shape, and it makes me want to vomit my intestines. "you can't hate Peyton Manning" "but he's such a personality" "but everyone likes Peyton Manning!"
Obviously that's stupid because I. Don't. Like. Peyton. Manning.
It's just one of those things that people get bent about that just crawls under my skin like meth hallucination bugs. "You have to like the movie Rudy!"
Fuck you!
That's a movie about a walk on that sees two plays in an entire career. It gets an inspired cast/ a great musical score/ an A-list director for a film about a guy who amounted to dick. Why? Because it was at Notre Dame. Who did they get to play Paul Bear Bryant, the greatest coach in the history of college football? Gary fucking Bucy.
Fuck Rudy. Fuck Notre Dame. Fuck Samwise Gamgee.
Why do people defend the person that is Peyton Manning? His commercials? His SNL spot? What is this need to defend this guy who played at the second best tradition in the SEC? I'm from Alabama and I don't like things that smell like Tennessee football players.
Even if they go on to develop stage presence in credit card commercials.
I don't like Manning and I don't like Notre Dame but sports pundits seem to think you have to obey to some annoying code to like this shit and attack people who don't get in line with this train of thought. I swear to god if college football live ever does another "Notre Dame week" I'm going to quit watching that show.
Okay, that's like a crack addict saying he'll quit crack, but the sentiment is right.
I've had this conversation a million god damn times and I am just sick of it. We will be talking about the NFL, me and whatever twat waffle is discussing this with me, and we'll go over what offenses are the best and what players we like. First off I'm a college guy so every athlete I name is probably going to be Alabama alumni. I'm not just a homer I'm a Bammer.
But eventually we get to quarterbacks and the two quarterbacks that we talk about are, of course, Brady and Manning. When I say fuck Brady no one bats an eye. Hating a winning quarterback like that always just seems natural. This of course has nothing to do with what he is doing with the New England Patriots and has everything to do with Michigan beating Alabama in the Orange bowl.
Then I say fuck Peyton Manning, because he played at Tennessee and fuck em.
This is where everyone gets bent out of shape, and it makes me want to vomit my intestines. "you can't hate Peyton Manning" "but he's such a personality" "but everyone likes Peyton Manning!"
Obviously that's stupid because I. Don't. Like. Peyton. Manning.
It's just one of those things that people get bent about that just crawls under my skin like meth hallucination bugs. "You have to like the movie Rudy!"
Fuck you!
That's a movie about a walk on that sees two plays in an entire career. It gets an inspired cast/ a great musical score/ an A-list director for a film about a guy who amounted to dick. Why? Because it was at Notre Dame. Who did they get to play Paul Bear Bryant, the greatest coach in the history of college football? Gary fucking Bucy.
Fuck Rudy. Fuck Notre Dame. Fuck Samwise Gamgee.
Why do people defend the person that is Peyton Manning? His commercials? His SNL spot? What is this need to defend this guy who played at the second best tradition in the SEC? I'm from Alabama and I don't like things that smell like Tennessee football players.
Even if they go on to develop stage presence in credit card commercials.
I don't like Manning and I don't like Notre Dame but sports pundits seem to think you have to obey to some annoying code to like this shit and attack people who don't get in line with this train of thought. I swear to god if college football live ever does another "Notre Dame week" I'm going to quit watching that show.
Okay, that's like a crack addict saying he'll quit crack, but the sentiment is right.
Fucking Vampires
This trend basically makes me want to slam my dick in my car door.
It's all because of some shitty book/film about this girl who's being stalked by this guy who turns out to be a vampire. Everyone knows of this movie and everyone realizes the entire concept is shit, but this realization in no way hinders the success and popularity of what basically boils down to a romance novel/ chick flick that has replaced the single dad cop/ bad boy firefighter with a heart of gold/ EMT operator that is burly yet a sensitive lover with an emotional vampire.
Let's ignore the concept of what a vampire is supposed to be, i.e. a hunter kill of human being, and accept that a person with these abilities and this urge to kill has fallen in love with a girl with the unbelievable name of Bella. Ignore that a vampire story ignores every rule of what a vampire is supposed to be in order to make their overtly strange character a likable match for the heroine with the retarded name.
I honestly once questioned out loud how vampires could be walking around in the day in pretty much every scene I had seen. A woman, who shall now only be mentioned as a twat waffle in type and in my head, tells me that "that's why they live in Seattle." So the vampires can walk around in the day because they live in Seattle.
Like I said, dick in a car door.
But I can't find myself being enamored with a vampire. How is this supposed to scare me exactly? How is this supposed to impress me? Super strength and fangs is nice for a comic book movie but doesn't necessarily scare me.
This True Blood/ Twilight/ Blade shit proposes that vampires are actually more advanced than humans and run the world from their underground caves or whatever. The reason a vampire could never worry me is that human beings would wipe these bitches off the face of the earth.
I mean I study history in depth and have numerous major news networks on cable. Fangs and the ability to jump high and move fast ain't gunna impress a member of the species that invented the atomic bomb/ the guillotine/ the concentration camp/ the iron maiden/ water boarding/ napalm/ the claymore, both the sword and the explosive/ the pengi stick.
We're talking about a race of beings that not only thought up sticking sharp bamboo spikes in the ground for other members of the species to step on but had the imagination to first cover those bamboo spike in human feces as to facilitate an infection that would lead to slow painful death.
During the French Revolution hundreds of French revolutionaries tied their own countrymen to a barge in the middle of a river than sank it as a means of killing a large amount of people as quickly as possible. The Marquis de Sade got his dick hard from inflicting pain in other people inventing Sadism as the pain inflicting side of S and M.
The fucking French scare me more than vampires.
We are ten times more frightening than a vampire family could ever be. If you force me to stay in a dark room with either Jeffrey Dahmer or a vampire, I'm picking the vampire every time. There's a good chance I might find a way to get light in the room or maybe I had some garlic bread earlier and can just vomit on him. Dahmer is pretty much guaranteed to improvise a way to slit my throat so that he can have sex with my lifeless corpse.
A guy sucking blood out of my neck doesn't really compare to the image in my head of Dahmer pounding away at the hole in my neck of my dead body.
This is from an era when this shit could be thought of as scary. I live in the modern world. Vampires would be our bitches from first step. While I will agree with HBO that if anywhere Louisiana is a likely place, I even think the Cajuns would found a way to incorporate vampire meat into gumbo years ago. Vampires aren't going to even faze these people, they do more damage to their own bodies than a fucking vampire could ever do.
An alligator is a killing machine that has survived thousands of years of evolution. It is an animal that has tremendous jaw strength and speed. Everything in an alligators life is geared toward catching things in their mouth and rotating as to rip the flesh off the carcass. Along with the shark it is considered one of the most effective killers in the animal kingdom.
Cajuns kill these things and eat them.
So no, the amazingly popular book about a vampire and the girl he bangs doesn't interest me and is in fact completely retarded. Thinking in any way that vampires could survive against a species such as the human race is retarded.
We are the much more interesting and scary being so stop being stupid and quit reading books about something that was only scary in a Victorian age. Human depravity is
Much. More. Interesting.
It's all because of some shitty book/film about this girl who's being stalked by this guy who turns out to be a vampire. Everyone knows of this movie and everyone realizes the entire concept is shit, but this realization in no way hinders the success and popularity of what basically boils down to a romance novel/ chick flick that has replaced the single dad cop/ bad boy firefighter with a heart of gold/ EMT operator that is burly yet a sensitive lover with an emotional vampire.
Let's ignore the concept of what a vampire is supposed to be, i.e. a hunter kill of human being, and accept that a person with these abilities and this urge to kill has fallen in love with a girl with the unbelievable name of Bella. Ignore that a vampire story ignores every rule of what a vampire is supposed to be in order to make their overtly strange character a likable match for the heroine with the retarded name.
I honestly once questioned out loud how vampires could be walking around in the day in pretty much every scene I had seen. A woman, who shall now only be mentioned as a twat waffle in type and in my head, tells me that "that's why they live in Seattle." So the vampires can walk around in the day because they live in Seattle.
Like I said, dick in a car door.
But I can't find myself being enamored with a vampire. How is this supposed to scare me exactly? How is this supposed to impress me? Super strength and fangs is nice for a comic book movie but doesn't necessarily scare me.
This True Blood/ Twilight/ Blade shit proposes that vampires are actually more advanced than humans and run the world from their underground caves or whatever. The reason a vampire could never worry me is that human beings would wipe these bitches off the face of the earth.
I mean I study history in depth and have numerous major news networks on cable. Fangs and the ability to jump high and move fast ain't gunna impress a member of the species that invented the atomic bomb/ the guillotine/ the concentration camp/ the iron maiden/ water boarding/ napalm/ the claymore, both the sword and the explosive/ the pengi stick.
We're talking about a race of beings that not only thought up sticking sharp bamboo spikes in the ground for other members of the species to step on but had the imagination to first cover those bamboo spike in human feces as to facilitate an infection that would lead to slow painful death.
During the French Revolution hundreds of French revolutionaries tied their own countrymen to a barge in the middle of a river than sank it as a means of killing a large amount of people as quickly as possible. The Marquis de Sade got his dick hard from inflicting pain in other people inventing Sadism as the pain inflicting side of S and M.
The fucking French scare me more than vampires.
We are ten times more frightening than a vampire family could ever be. If you force me to stay in a dark room with either Jeffrey Dahmer or a vampire, I'm picking the vampire every time. There's a good chance I might find a way to get light in the room or maybe I had some garlic bread earlier and can just vomit on him. Dahmer is pretty much guaranteed to improvise a way to slit my throat so that he can have sex with my lifeless corpse.
A guy sucking blood out of my neck doesn't really compare to the image in my head of Dahmer pounding away at the hole in my neck of my dead body.
This is from an era when this shit could be thought of as scary. I live in the modern world. Vampires would be our bitches from first step. While I will agree with HBO that if anywhere Louisiana is a likely place, I even think the Cajuns would found a way to incorporate vampire meat into gumbo years ago. Vampires aren't going to even faze these people, they do more damage to their own bodies than a fucking vampire could ever do.
An alligator is a killing machine that has survived thousands of years of evolution. It is an animal that has tremendous jaw strength and speed. Everything in an alligators life is geared toward catching things in their mouth and rotating as to rip the flesh off the carcass. Along with the shark it is considered one of the most effective killers in the animal kingdom.
Cajuns kill these things and eat them.
So no, the amazingly popular book about a vampire and the girl he bangs doesn't interest me and is in fact completely retarded. Thinking in any way that vampires could survive against a species such as the human race is retarded.
We are the much more interesting and scary being so stop being stupid and quit reading books about something that was only scary in a Victorian age. Human depravity is
Much. More. Interesting.
Friday, June 26, 2009
The Michael Jackson Dove Lady
I'm at the mall Chick Fil-A waiting in a lunch hour line when some teenage mistake starts talking about Michael Jackson who had apparently died of heart attack/ drug overdose/ whatever.
This girl was ridiculously young to be talking about Michael Jackson, I'm talking 90's birth date. She's in the city of Tuscaloosa, Alabama wearing an Auburn sweatshirt in 90 degree weather, so basically she's batting a thousand for people I want to see fall down a flight of stairs.
She's prattling on and on about how people are being too harsh about Michael Jackson being called a pedo-ass and how people should be more restrained. While I can empathize with people who want to honor the dead, I can not restrain my urge to vomit over a girl who never experienced anything but creepy, obviously a child molester, Michael Jackson and yet still feels the need to defend his life, which she knows nothing about, simply because it's over.
My stance on the whole issue? The guy is dead and it wouldn't have affected me in any way had it not been for people like little miss annoyance. Because of her constant ranting and raving I decided to leave the line for the cheap mall Chinese food that resulted in fiery diarrhea being shot out of my ass. This woman not only annoyed me, she attacked my bowels.
While I was on the toilet, letting loose unholy hell from my body, I couldn't help thinking of the many people who stood up for this man. Aside from the Auburn fan in the mall I can distinctly remember a group of people outside the courthouse during his verdict.
Thank god for youtube.
This brings me to dove lady. Not that I would judge anyone who followed a child molestation trial in hopes that justice would be found, but I cannot conceal my need to pray for a world ending meteor when people like the dove lady exist.
After every single verdict of innocent that came through for Michael dove lady would let free a bird in celebration. The fact that this crowd had gathered for this spectacle in support was shocking enough, but the level of enthusiasm to see an accused pedophile set free was damaging to my image of one the greatest, if not the greatest, civilizations in the history of the world.
The Romans celebrated murderers for sure, but I wonder how many times the crowds of the Coliseum would support a child rapist simply because he could moon walk.
For a while this bothered me. Then I calmed myself. Life was okay again. I was able to go about my day playing X-Box 360. I realized that getting angry over Michael Jackson or lashing out at his death simply wasn't worth it.
I'm not looking for any sympathy, but as a white male in Alabama if I create an incident in a Mall with a woman over a black entertainer, child molester or not, it probably would not end well for me. Imagine if one of the male patrons of Chick Fil-A takes offense and starts a fight that results in police interaction. The Arresting Officer would be made aware of what started the fight and life would become complicated.
Do not pass go. Do not play Tiger Woods 10 with friends and drink beer. Do not masturbate to streaming Internet pornography sites. Do not proposition similarly aged women at drinking establishments. Do not live happily ever after.
Go directly to jail. Go directly to front page news as suspected Klu Klux Klan member. Go directly to face smashed by Arresting Officer/ Fellow Inmate/ Random Michael Jackson fan. Go directly to destroyed Family Reputation. Go directly to unemployable life of poverty.
Trying to insult a dead celebrity just isn't worth it. It's in bad taste anyway, but then again when did that ever stop me?
The one consolation in not being able to speak my opinion on the legacy of Michael Jackson is the fact that I can imagine what kind of person dove lady is. It's all imagination so I can't be sued for thinking these things.
She is obviously single. I can't imagine her in any other way. No man is going to touch the amount of crazy it takes to celebrate the verdict in a child molestation case. And if she is the kind of person who is willing to get a cage big enough for this amount of birds simply for the purpose of celebrating Michael Jackson's acquittal then I'm guessing she considers herself an "animal person." Basically she's a cat lady. So the thought of this woman stuck in a house with about twelve to fifteen cats, who are the surrogates for the child she probably will never have, actually soothes me. I can see the shit and kitty litter covering the floor and the used Alpo cans clogging her trash cans. I can get inside this woman's head and look at this world she lives in and honestly hear her ask herself, "Why won't any men sleep with me?" and be oblivious to the millions of answers in front of her eyes.
Thinking of dove lady in this way reaffirms my believe in the American Civilization and takes away my prayers for the life ending meteor.
Oh and the teenage bitch in the mall?
She's an Auburn fan. Of course she's bat shit crazy.
This girl was ridiculously young to be talking about Michael Jackson, I'm talking 90's birth date. She's in the city of Tuscaloosa, Alabama wearing an Auburn sweatshirt in 90 degree weather, so basically she's batting a thousand for people I want to see fall down a flight of stairs.
She's prattling on and on about how people are being too harsh about Michael Jackson being called a pedo-ass and how people should be more restrained. While I can empathize with people who want to honor the dead, I can not restrain my urge to vomit over a girl who never experienced anything but creepy, obviously a child molester, Michael Jackson and yet still feels the need to defend his life, which she knows nothing about, simply because it's over.
My stance on the whole issue? The guy is dead and it wouldn't have affected me in any way had it not been for people like little miss annoyance. Because of her constant ranting and raving I decided to leave the line for the cheap mall Chinese food that resulted in fiery diarrhea being shot out of my ass. This woman not only annoyed me, she attacked my bowels.
While I was on the toilet, letting loose unholy hell from my body, I couldn't help thinking of the many people who stood up for this man. Aside from the Auburn fan in the mall I can distinctly remember a group of people outside the courthouse during his verdict.
Thank god for youtube.
This brings me to dove lady. Not that I would judge anyone who followed a child molestation trial in hopes that justice would be found, but I cannot conceal my need to pray for a world ending meteor when people like the dove lady exist.
After every single verdict of innocent that came through for Michael dove lady would let free a bird in celebration. The fact that this crowd had gathered for this spectacle in support was shocking enough, but the level of enthusiasm to see an accused pedophile set free was damaging to my image of one the greatest, if not the greatest, civilizations in the history of the world.
The Romans celebrated murderers for sure, but I wonder how many times the crowds of the Coliseum would support a child rapist simply because he could moon walk.
For a while this bothered me. Then I calmed myself. Life was okay again. I was able to go about my day playing X-Box 360. I realized that getting angry over Michael Jackson or lashing out at his death simply wasn't worth it.
I'm not looking for any sympathy, but as a white male in Alabama if I create an incident in a Mall with a woman over a black entertainer, child molester or not, it probably would not end well for me. Imagine if one of the male patrons of Chick Fil-A takes offense and starts a fight that results in police interaction. The Arresting Officer would be made aware of what started the fight and life would become complicated.
Do not pass go. Do not play Tiger Woods 10 with friends and drink beer. Do not masturbate to streaming Internet pornography sites. Do not proposition similarly aged women at drinking establishments. Do not live happily ever after.
Go directly to jail. Go directly to front page news as suspected Klu Klux Klan member. Go directly to face smashed by Arresting Officer/ Fellow Inmate/ Random Michael Jackson fan. Go directly to destroyed Family Reputation. Go directly to unemployable life of poverty.
Trying to insult a dead celebrity just isn't worth it. It's in bad taste anyway, but then again when did that ever stop me?
The one consolation in not being able to speak my opinion on the legacy of Michael Jackson is the fact that I can imagine what kind of person dove lady is. It's all imagination so I can't be sued for thinking these things.
She is obviously single. I can't imagine her in any other way. No man is going to touch the amount of crazy it takes to celebrate the verdict in a child molestation case. And if she is the kind of person who is willing to get a cage big enough for this amount of birds simply for the purpose of celebrating Michael Jackson's acquittal then I'm guessing she considers herself an "animal person." Basically she's a cat lady. So the thought of this woman stuck in a house with about twelve to fifteen cats, who are the surrogates for the child she probably will never have, actually soothes me. I can see the shit and kitty litter covering the floor and the used Alpo cans clogging her trash cans. I can get inside this woman's head and look at this world she lives in and honestly hear her ask herself, "Why won't any men sleep with me?" and be oblivious to the millions of answers in front of her eyes.
Thinking of dove lady in this way reaffirms my believe in the American Civilization and takes away my prayers for the life ending meteor.
Oh and the teenage bitch in the mall?
She's an Auburn fan. Of course she's bat shit crazy.
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